So here it's been a year a few months since I went I started with my weight loss doctors. I hadn't been there since March of this year and I had unfortunately succeeded in putting back on every bit of the weight I'd lost. I was 308 lbs. when I started the journey. When I walked into the doctor's office on Columbus Day Monday, I discovered my ass, thighs and stomach had grown as spacious as the skies of America herself. I had to be honest with myself. For the past couple of months, I could literally FEEL myself dying. My energy had been depleted, my body had begun aching again and I had been spiraling into a depression. I had to do something. I was either going to get serious or I was gonna need to buy more life insurance.
So, I had to be honest about what foods I was putting into myself, because it was those little lies I kept telling myself that were killing me. I started off the week well. Dr. Title informed me that if I stuck to no carbs the first three days it would be like P90X for the inside of my body. It would in essence confuse my metabolism. So I took to it for 4 days. Been drinking water. Most importantly, I LOGGED THE TIMES I FELL SHORT.
So here I was thinking, the problem isn't the weight, the weight is a manifestation of the the problem. I had to kill the pride in me. Be honest with where I was and how I got here.
The difference between my former weight loss attempt and today's is I am willing to look deeper. I made my way to an SIA meeting.
I know one may believe an Overeater's Anonymous meeting might be in order, but I am not an overeater. What I am is a survivor of Incest and Sexual Abuse.
It took a while to realize that there was a direct connect between my weight & my rapes. I've spent years doing the following:
Hiding behind weight to be unattractive to potential perpatraitors.
Allowing the past behaviors of the ones who assaulted me to keep assaulting me by my own behavior.
Giving of myself too freely to those who did not deserve it.
Slowly killing myself before anyone else could.
I've decided to make the necessary changes to save the most important person in my life...me.
I have tried every kind of things to lose weight. The yo-yo dieting, surgeries etc. I decided to do a weight exorcism. Since my body is a temple; I can only surmise that that the weight is evil. This is the story about the expulsion of the weight.