Saturday, October 16, 2010

When You Suffer A SetBack, Don't Drawback...Cause Your Weight Can ALWAYS Comeback...

So here it's been a year a few months since I went I started with my weight loss doctors.  I hadn't been there since March of this year and I had unfortunately succeeded in putting back on every bit of the weight I'd lost. I was 308 lbs. when I started the journey.  When I walked into the doctor's office on Columbus Day Monday, I discovered my ass, thighs and stomach had grown as spacious as the skies of America herself.  I had to be honest with myself.  For the past couple of months, I could literally FEEL myself dying.  My energy had been depleted, my body had begun aching again and I had been spiraling into a depression.  I had to do something.  I was either going to get serious or I was gonna need to buy more life insurance.

So, I had to be honest about what foods I was putting into myself, because it was those little lies I kept telling myself that were killing me.  I started off the week well.  Dr. Title informed me that if I stuck to no carbs the first three days it would be like P90X for the inside of my body.  It would in essence confuse my metabolism.  So I took to it for 4 days.  Been drinking water.  Most importantly, I LOGGED THE TIMES I FELL SHORT. 

So here I was thinking, the problem isn't the weight, the weight is a manifestation of the the problem.  I had to kill the pride in me.  Be honest with where I was and how I got here.

The difference between my former weight loss attempt and today's is I am willing to look deeper.  I made my way to an SIA meeting. 

I know one may believe an Overeater's Anonymous meeting might be in order, but I am not an overeater.  What I am is a survivor of Incest and Sexual Abuse. 

It took a while to realize that there was a direct connect between my weight & my rapes.  I've spent years doing the following:

  • Hiding behind weight to be unattractive to potential perpatraitors.
  • Allowing the past behaviors of the ones who assaulted me to keep assaulting me by my own behavior.
  • Giving of myself too freely to those who did not deserve it.
  • Slowly killing myself before anyone else could.
I've decided to make the necessary changes to save the most important person in my



Good Night...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


So here it is the 24th of August.  I have been trying to get a grip on my weight, as I FEEL myself spiraling out of control.  It took me a moment to realize that a majority of the HOOPLA was due to the monthly vistor who invites herself into your space.  I was bloated, agitated, angry, lonely, depressed and what was the unkindest word for fat?  Oh yeah, a blimp...

Saturday brought on my menses like the nile during the plagues, and I quickly put myself on bedrest.  I literally did not leave my bed on Saturday with the exception of the bathroom.  The weight of a period was taking its emotional toll on me plunging me into the depths of depression.  What does a chick eat at a time like that? 

When she is mourning the loss of her feminitity?  Her sexuality?  Well let's see...PIZZA?  Cheese burger and french fries, on repeat...yup!  I didn't give a damn!  Had a nasty disagreement with my best friend (and adopted daughter) and it certainly did not help as I slipped further into the abyss...

So now it's Monday.  My "frenemy" is gone and I am determined to LOSE WEIGHT.

I have been eating Special K cerial every morning and Special K cereal Bars for snack.  (Surprisingly, they were actually GOOD.)  I do not know if ANY weight loss has been achieved, but got to start somewhere, right?  Even if it's in the middle...  So tonight, I am thinking of having a HEALTHY meal!

Grilled Veggie Pizzas Alfredo Recipe

This rich and smoky pizza is cooked to perfection…on the grill! The recipe calls for a medley of veggies—like zucchini, summer squash and yellow peppers—mixed with creamy reduced-fat mushroom Alfredo sauce and smoked mozzarella.

Active Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 31 minutes

Recipe Ingredients

1 tube (10 oz) refrigerated pizza crust

1 lb whole portobello mushrooms, stems removed

1 each red and yellow pepper, quartered and cored

1 each (about 6 oz each) medium zucchini and yellow summer squash, cut lengthwise in 1⁄2-in.-thick slices

Nonstick spray

3⁄4 tsp salt

1 cup reduced-fat mushroom Alfredo sauce

5 oz smoked mozzarella cheese, shredded (11⁄4 cups)

Recipe Preparation

1. Heat barbecue grill. Lightly dust 2 baking sheets with flour.

2. On a lightly floured surface, press dough into a 15 x 11-in. rectangle. Cut in quarters; place 2 on each baking sheet.

3. Lightly coat veggies with nonstick spray; sprinkle with salt.

4. Grill vegetables, turning once: mushrooms and peppers 10 to 12 minutes (mushrooms should be tender and peppers charred), squashes 8 to 10 minutes until tender. Cut mushrooms and peppers in slices, squashes in half crosswise.

5. Grill 2 pieces pizza dough at a time, 1 minute or until undersides are browned. Using tongs, turn dough over and grill 30 seconds or until undersides stiffen. Return to baking sheets; repeat with remaining dough. Spread crusts with sauce. Top with vegetables and cheese.

6. Grill 2 pizzas at a time, covered, 2 to 3 minutes until cheese melts, making sure undersides of pizzas don’t burn.

Take ingredients to the grill along with a cutting board and knife.

Happy Eating lovelies!!!!

Monday, July 5, 2010

PCOS...Poly Cycstic Ovarian Syndrome or Please Cut Out Salt...

I think The last time I wrote in this blog, it was 5 months ago, I was in a new office, and I was on track...

Well that was then...this is now...
I now belong to an office of partiers.  They celebrate almost anything and will give a party at the blink of an eye.  What does this mean?  It means FOOD.  CARBS.  WEIGHT GAIN.  I don't know why I felt as though I was gaining, I am steady at 274.  I hate it though, because an addiction is an addiction.  I can't seem to stay away from carbs, sugar and fried foods enough to benefit from the little exercise I do get.

Well never a quitter...I went shopping.  Chicken salad, corn (on the cob), chopped chicken, turkey burgers.  I will get there...



* Low Carb Tortillas

* Chicken breast

* fat free cheese

* Low carb salsa

* Cayenne Pepper or tabasco


Cook the chicken until it's where you like it. Cut it into thin strips and place it on one tortilla. Then top it off with salsa, condiments and top it off with the cheese (2 FF slices will suffice) and place the other tortilla on top. Nuke it for 30-45 sec and then cut it into 4-8 pieces, or whatever you want

Nutritional Facts:

1 Chicken Quesadilla yields roughly...

245 calories

5.4g fat

22g carbohydrates

16g fiber

46.1g Protein

Thursday, April 22, 2010 l'eau potable...shui (水)...

It doesn't matter how much you eat, its so necessary to drink water.  My weight has seemed to plateau, and I realize it is imperative that I include water and exercise.  The urge to get my wellness together has crept up on me.  Food is a legal addiction; it is everywher...television billboards...

The strange thing is I am not an over-eater.  I am just addicted to carbohydrates....

So I thought I'd do the one most important thing, drink water.  I wrote the title in 5 different languages so that there's no mistaking...water is my friend...

Tonight's Recipe
A Glass of Water

1 8 once glass
5 ice cubes
add water (Can be Spring or Tap)
rest it on the counter until glass perspires
then drink up!!!

Friday, March 12, 2010

On the Road Again...

Things are on an up swing.  I am now down to 272 pounds!  I went to doctor Stacy's today, saw her dad Stanley and I lost the 10 pounds I gained.  My cooking has changed, my life has changed.  I will be working in a new office come Monday and an enormous portion of my "stressful eating" has fallen to the wayside.  Strangely, my favorite pastime had become more of a chore than a joy.  So I have taken to doing other things like writing...creating.    Sometimes the things you don't want to face are the things you need to.  I did not realize just how stressful my job had become; I did not realize that it had gotten to the point of making me physically sick.  In short, I didn't wanna be there any more. 
So here begins my long journey in my journey to becoming 175 lbs.  Lord, give me strength,

Chicken with Balsamic Vinegar

4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves

3/4 lb small mushrooms, quartered

2 Tbsp flour

salt and pepper

3 Tbsp olive oil

6 garlic cloves, peeled

3 Tbsp balsamic vinegar

3/4 cup chicken broth

1 bay leaf

1/4 tsp thyme

1 Tbsp butter

Season the flour with salt and pepper and dredge the chicken breast halves in it. Shake off excess flour. Heat the oil in a heavy skillet and cook the chicken over moderately high heat until nicely browned on one side, about 3 minutes. Add the garlic cloves. Turn the chicken pieces over and scatter the mushrooms over all. Continue cooking, shaking the skillet and redistributing the mushrooms so they cook evenly. Cook about 3 minutes. Add the Balsamic vinegar and broth, the bay leaf and thyme. Cover closely and cook over moderately high heat about 10 minutes. Turn the pieces occasionally as they cook. Transfer the chicken to a warm platter and cover with foil. Let the sauce cook, uncovered, over moderately high heat about 7 minutes. Swirl in the butter. Remove the bay leaf. Pour the sauce and mushrooms over the chicken and serve. Yield: 4 servings.


Saturday, February 27, 2010


I remember Doctor Duncan telling me upon interview for gastric bypass,  "You do know that this means you'll be taking vitamins for the rest of your life, don't you?"

In all honesty, I would've said anything to have the surgery.  I was 437 lbs., immobile and feeling hopeless.  I knew I was not beyond death.  My brother had died at the age of 21, so I knew for certain that I was not above an early demise.  I was tired of my aching limbs; weary of the weight lifting my life had resigned me to. 

I had heard of many things, researched many things, there were many ways in which to lose weight, but the gastric bypass seemed perfect for me.  So when Dr. Duncan (the doctor I'd found) told me, "you do realize you'll be taking vitamins for the rest of your life don't you?"

He could've said "Bitch, you know you'd have to roll your fat ass on coals to remove the excess weight..." and without pause I would have answered "of course, I do!"

That was in 2004.  Now it is 2010; 6 years later and...SO much has changed!  I went as low as 200, but regained 80...(F*@K); we got a black president and first lady, and I am officially anemic...

I found myself strangely fatigued.  I couldn't even think too long because that really tired me out.  It had me terrified.  I actually thought I had developed diabetes.  After careful investigation, I found that I needed iron and to restart my regimen of a daily vitamins.  I am 35 now, I can't just hope that I can swing things like in my 20s, and to gain and maintain optimal health, I will have to eat better...excersize...and take my VITAMETAVEGIMINS...



These tuna burgers are really low in fat and carbs and can be served in a bun or with a salad, you'll find that their very tasty.  If you cook them using the George Foreman Grill, they will spread, normal skillet is fine.

40 Minutes to Prepare and Cook

2 cups Tuna, canned in water, drained and flaked

1/3 cup Tomato (Marinara) sauce

1/4 cup Pickled Onions (or Dill Pickle) chopped

2 Egg Whites

1/4 cup Wholegrain Flour

1/4 tsp Black Pepper, freshly ground

1/2 tsp Garlic Powder

1/2 tsp Onion Powder


Mix all ingredients together until well mashed.  Form into 4 burgers. Spray skillet or BBQ with canola spray and cook until golden on each side. 
NOTE: These are soft when you make them, they firm up when cooked.

Number of Servings: 4

Number of Servings: 4


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

New Developments!!! The Road to Healthy...

Well 2 weeks ago I returned to my doctor who saw I had gained 13 pounds and gave words of comfort.  "It's fine," he said

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Acupunture...One Pound at a Time

It's  2010.  My weight now is 280.  I don't think I want to go back to the weight loss doctor as I am concerned about the foreign substances that have been going in my body.  I was at a Kwaanzaa festival when I got information about a Holistic doctor in Brooklyn and I am going to make an appointment.  Food addiction is a mutha.

1/12/10 - I wrote the above paragraph exactly 4 days ago, and the reality that my eating is spinning out of countrol has made me re-think my decesion to go back to the weight loss doctor.  I am ashamed to go to Stacy and have her see me 8 pounds heavier, but I realize, I have to do something before it gets out of countrol.

My doctor is in the office every Monday, Wednesday & Friday.  I am thinking I will go around lunch time tomorrow and pick up my meds real quick.  If doctor Stacy is there, I MUST see her, but if not, I will forgo the doctor's visit.  I can do without seeing the guys...there's something about the connection between us girls...she's AWESOME!

Also I have decided that I am going to my friend Linda for acupuncture.  I will do whatever it takes to rid myself of this unhealthy pound at a time.


Low Glycemic Index Recipes - Grilled Ham and Cheese

Share a giggle with a friend with this low glycemic recipe for grilled ham and cheese which tastes so good, you won't believe it's good for you. If weight-loss is your goal, you'll need to watch your bread in-take, so share this sandwich with a friend. It goes great with soup or a tossed salad on the side.


2 slices 100% whole wheat bread (stone-milled)

2 wedges The Laughing Cow® light cheese

2 oz lean deli ham


Heat a small skillet over medium heat for several minutes.

Lightly brush one side of each slice of bread with extra virgin olive oil. Spread one wedge of cheese on the other side of each slice of bread. Place one slice of bread, oil side down in pan. Top with ham and other slice of bread.

Cook approximately 5 minutes each side.

Bon Apetite!