Tuesday, December 15, 2009


It started yesterday. You know what I am speaking of. The winds of change -  the fork in the road...the epiphany. I have been spiraling for the better portion of a month. As stated in an earlier blog, I had been consuming most anything I got my hands on, taking or having no regard for the end result, I ate as fast as my little (but stretching stomach) would allow. The epiphany occurred while at another school I found myself in the nurse’s office and came face to face with a scale.

 You know being theatrical as I am, looking at that scale, wind bushes were blowing by as we faced off on either side of the room. I could hear the low rhythm of the western background music as me and the scale placed our hands on the trigger of our proverbial weapons. Suddenly, we drew. I was hit, and falling fast. My weight had sky rocketed.

“Don’t go by that scale, it’s off by 18 pounds or so…who knows.” said the nurse before I burned my fleshy thighs in effigy in my mind’s eye. It was the epiphany I needed to turn things around; stop the downward spiral. To REVERSE the damage done by the depression I sank into, I am doing the Lemonade diet for the weekend. While I do understand that I require help with this, I have decided that I have got to help myself. So here is my plan:

• Get a new doctor. My weight loss practitioner is fine, but I need a general practitioner for all the things that the weight loss doctor doesn’t cover. I am interested in Metaformin or Glucophage to bring down my insulin resistance and assist in my weight loss.

• Surf the web for support groups. Weight Support; PCOS Support; and research and try out recipes to support my journey.

• Real World Assistance – Getting together a group of people that have the same goals (preferably people I do not know).  Gotta start somewhere, right?  Wish me luck!!!



• 2 ripe tomatoes, diced

• 1/2 pound sharp Cheddar, diced

• 1 large onion, diced

• 1 head iceberg lettuce, washed, drained and shredded

• 1 pound lean ground beef, browned, crumbled and drained

• 1 cup salad dressing (recommended: Catalina)

• 1 (7-ounce) bag taco flavored chips, crushed

• 1 cup salsa

• Tortilla chips, to serve


Combine the tomatoes, cheese, onion, lettuce, and ground beef in a large bowl. Add the salad dressing and mix well. Just before serving, add the taco chips, tossing to combine with other ingredients. Top each serving with salsa. Serve with tortilla chips.

* PLEASE NOTE: The lemonade diet was attempted, but unsuccessful. I managed to forego 13 hours before I ate something. On the good hand, I think the “cleansing” portion worked!

Saturday, December 5, 2009


As it turns out, I have only been back in my office twice since I have been sent to different schools to work on the swine flu initiative. Before the craziness, I had my diet down pat in the way of plenty of water, sensible eating habits and weight management from my weight loss doctor.

Well you all know of the misfortune of the attack that I suffered a couple of weeks ago, and what transpired following was a series of unfortunate events…

There have been blatant violations… One of the many has been the fact that if it stayed still long enough I fried it. If I didn’t fry it, I sautéed it in butter and garlic…and didn’t care. I know…I suck! Anyway, the realization that I was probably going up in weight kept me from going to my doctor. I realize now that I have to make changes.

The fact that I am at a different school every other day, reeks. How do you have a balanced diet going from school to school? So today, December 5th, 2009…I change the pattern.



Water must become a staple…

Tonight I am eating water…

bottoms up!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Not Crashing After A Tailspin...

I am trying to find my way back.  I know trying is not the best word, but it is what it is.  Some days I fail...other days I am able to get out of bed, pull back the shades and feel the warmth of a barely there sun upon my face.  I haven't been myself lately.  There was a me emerging, a me I liked...loved even. 

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Dream...dream, dream, dream, dream...dream, all that I can do, is dream...
Writers do that.  We spin our

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Leaning Tower of Pizza...

This week has been diabolical.  I ran into a bit of a tradgedy which rocked me to my core.  I have retreated inside the house, to the comfort of food and my four walls.  I got back to work on Thursday and promptly purchased a 96oz container of 7-eleven coffee.  I know damn well that this was WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE, but hell, after surviving a close call sexual violation, I feel myself slipping back to the girl I had been.  This girl was a purist in a whores clothes, she became all the things that hid the gentle heart, she was untouchable in the ways men longed to touch her.  Well I drank about half the container to keep me awake as I had not  slept all night.  I do not feel like eating properly, nor do I feel like counting or burning calories.  I reach home and prepare my son to journey to Queens alone for the 1st time.  I go to an event, then return back to the safety of my abode.  Today, I cannot stand the smell outside.  I am in need of comfort, but no one stops their lives to see about yours.  I dial the one number that I KNOW will answer...

Papa Johns.  My original intent is to eat max like 2 slices...yeah, right.  I'm done with the pie in 7 hours.  In 10 hours I have creamated the pizza, the wings (10) and 2 20oz. Sprites.  Today, I do not care.  Tomorrow is another day.  Today I want the pain to go away.

No recipe today guys, I do not feel like cooking.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Betcha By Golly...WOW!!!

I shocked myself today.  First I got up and had to go to one of the Public Schools in NY to assist with the administration of the H1N1 Vaccine.  This was my second "SWAT team" assignment and I am part of a "clean-up" crew that completes the task not finished by the regular vaccination team.  I get to my site kind of dreading it because my team leader is a major pain in the ass.  From the inception of the assignment on Friday he is complaining about working out of title and midway through the day it becomes crystal clear to myself and everyone else in the room what his supervisors were thinking by sending him on this assignment - relief! 

I am so inundated with this vaccination that I haven't been blogging, I haven't been writing affirmations...I haven't been eating well.  It hasn't been the worst, but it could be in keeping with what I'd been doing the last 2 weeks (I'd really like to maintain the 10 pounds lost while advancing toward an additional 10 pounds).  I get to the school today and wouldn't you know the "Team Leader" called in sick.  I swiftly realize that I am the ONLY administrative staff there for the remaining vaccination we have to administer.  After an hour or so into this discovery, it is also clear that no "new" team leader is coming.  I feel like one of those men in the old west when a town crisis arises that requires more law enforcement.  I am immediately deputized and made the team leader.  Sigh...does this crap come with more money? 

Ever the perfectionist, I examine the folders that were "completed" on Friday.  I found no less than 36 errors.  I took my time and corrected each form and split them into their respective piles.

I think to myself 'oh glory!  I get to go to work tomorrow!'  Right.  I get an ominus call from the powers that be and I am on my way to another school to innoculate...sigh.

On the up, I went to the gym.  Frustrated with my lack of exercise, I went to them gym yesterday at 10pm.  I decide to do the tradmill for 1hour.

At the close of the hour, my numbers look like this:

600 calories burned
4.1 speed
5.0 incline
60 minutes

I put my headset on and let the music take me away.  All of the things I was fearful of, all the things that hurt, all the things that I don't understand.  The tears have stopped falling from my eyes and are now falling from my brow, from my all my pores and down the center of my back.  I had made a goal and reached it.  Isn't it all about the little victories?  If you have enough of them, then the war is really won...isn't it?

Mashed Turnips

Nutrition Facts
Makes 4servings, Serving Size: 0 cup, Amount Per Serving, Calories 133.7, Total Carbs 16.4 g, Dietary Fiber 3.5 g, Sugars 11.2 g, Total Fat 7.1 g, Saturated Fat 1.7 g, Unsaturated Fat 5.3 g, Potassium 235 mg
Protein 2.8 g, Sodium 778.7 mg

Dietary Exchanges: 1 1/4 Fat, 2 Vegetable

Secret ingredients make these turnips taste like mashed potatoes.
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Difficulty: EASY

Servings Ingredients

6cup fresh cubed turnips, peeled (about 4 large ones)

1tsp salt
1tbsp sugar
2tbsp Margarine & Butter, blend, with soybean oil, softened
1/4cup Milk, evaporated, with add vitamin A, canned, room temperature
1pinch salt and pepper (to taste)

1 Choose turnips the size of your fist or smaller. Cut off the tops in a thin layer. Peel the turnips with a vegetable peeler. Don't bother cutting off the root end, instead peel it clean with the vegetable peeler. Cut the turnips into medium sized chunks. Measure up 6 full cups of them. Bring 2 quarts of water to a boil in a large pot on the stove. Add the salt and sugar.

2 When the water boils, add the turnips. Boil for about 20 minutes, or until the turnips are tender. Drain well.

3 Add the margarine and evaporated milk. Using electric beaters mash the turnips until they are smooth.

4 Taste and add salt and plenty of pepper. Reheat and serve hot.

5 Additional Information

You can divide the mixture up between small baking dishes and treat them like twice baked potatoes. Add bacon bits, sour cream, shredded cheese, steamed broccoli, a big scoop of chili, or tomato sauce and parmesan cheese. Microwave or bake until heated through. The secret to getting turnips to take on the mild taste of potatoes is to boil them in water that has been both salted and sweetened. Without the salt and sweetener turnips have a stronger flavor that some people find objectionable. If you've never had turnips treated this way then you are in for a real treat.

Give it a try!!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Is It Worth the Weight?

I have a new philosophy: "Si Usted No Lo Puede Deletrear, Quizá Usted No Lo Debe Comer" or "If You Can't Spell It Maybe You Shouldn't Eat It."  Y'all know I have been trying to lose this weight and in my quest to do so I have ingested somethings that maybe I shouldn't have. 

I'm in the supermarket the other day and I'm thinking what foods can I buy to support my funeralizing the fat?  The easy thing is to say: fruits and veggies and beans for protein.   Right!  In actuality beans are another form of carbs, and without the right knowledge of your body chemistry you could very well be packing on the pounds.  Dang!

This is when I start to think to myself that I am frustrated and I want this ungodly weight off my frame.  I don't wanna be skinny, but Lord knows I can deal with thick.

I am walking past isle 4 when I see a stand full of un-bagged teas.  One of the teas is call "Antiparisito."  Now listen, no habla espanol, but I knew enough to know it said "No parasites."  So dumb me, I'm thinking, "okay, I should clean out so that I can get an honest to goodness start, maybe I should get this tea..."

So, like most full-sized people, I over-do it.  I purchase 4 bags.  I rush home, throw the entire contents of 1 bag (although the direction say 1/3 of the bag - hindsight is 20/20) into a pot of boiling water and wait.  In 12 minutes, the contents of the pot is a rich forest brown.  I search the draws in the kitchen and find a strainer (thanks grandmama).  I put the contents into a supersize mug (ain't everything super-sized?) and add to peppermint puffs (I do not have the lemon drops or honey the bag ask for).  Greedily, and even though I am unsure of the taste I slurp down the elixir.  I wait an hour and...nothing.

Of course by now, I surmised that whatever's swimming in my intestines is too strong for one cup, so I drink another.  Again, nothing...until 11:58pm.

Before I know it, I am doubled over in pain and I can't stand up straight.  I spend the entire night on the toilet, with book in hand and entirely sleepy.  Let me be clear for those of you who haven't gotten the moral of the story:


If you have decided to lose weight have your general practictioner do a blood work up on you.  It's pretty important and they can rule out anything medical.  The last thing you want to do is treat something and not have an understanding of what's happening internally.  You can trust that my dumb ass will not be doing THAT again!

I don't think I have gone back to myself yet.  God help me.  I went to the gym yesterday and worked out for an hour.  I was determined to burn 340 calories.  I fell 100 calories short.  Tomorrow is another day.
I'm ready...one pound at a time.

Hungarian Beef Barley Stew Low GI!
A delicious and very satisfying main dish stew.


2 Tablespoons vegetable oil

1 1/2 lbs beef stew meat, cut in 1/2" cubes

1 large onion, chopped

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 28 oz can tomatoes, undrained

3 cups water

3/4 cup pearled barley

1 Tablespoon sweet Hungarian paprika

2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp caraway seeds

1 cup sour cream

Heat oil in a 4 quart sauce pan or Dutch oven. Brown meat in oil in two batches. Add onion and garlic and cook until onion is tender. Drain off excess fat. Stir in remaining ingredients except sour cream. Bring to a simmer. Cover and reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring occasionally, meat and barley are tender (about 1 hour). Ladle into individual serving dishes, topping each with sour cream. Yield 6 - 8 main dish servings.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Over Weight Lover's In the House!

Its funny.  I was SO gun-ho to handle things concerning this weight exorcism.  I still am in it to lose, but I am physically weary.  Honesty is my best policy, so here goes: I DID NOT GO TO THE GYM THE OTHER DAY...

I have been discouraged, (as I am sure we all get sometimes) even amongst the glory of victory.  I went to the doctor and low and behold my weight loss for the month of October is 10 pounds!  I know I should be happy with this...10 pounds is really no small feat.  But I will be honest in saying I do not feel excited.  I just feel like my energy pulling me toward the bed.  I don't want to do ANYTHING...

I spoke to my honey for a few moments and it was magical...as always.  He is peace for me...joy amidst an unjoyous existence.  I love hearing his voice and even if the entire day has been turbulent, once he enters via phone call or delivers himself to my door, I am elated as thought a leprochan delivered gold to my door or the mega million guy is waiting outside with my check.  He brings me THAT much joy.

One of the things I want to regain is my sexual prowess.  The extra weight has depleted my ability to own my sexual ability.  He gives me UNBELIEVABLE love-making.  I want to be able to give it back.  It's like the me inside wants to give him the best of myself and the weight tires me out.  I am determined to lose the weight.  I want to be in control of how I make love to him, just as he controls how he makes love to me.

Tomorrow my son will be going with his dad, and I think I will be going to the gym tomorrow.  I believe that I will use my man as the determination for going to the gym.  When I have reached my goal I am gonna SO put it on him!  LOL!!!

Barbequed Ribs

Prep Time: 30 Minutes
Cook Time: 3 Hours Ready In: 11 Hours 30 Minutes
Servings: 8
"These ribs require a double cooking process and an overnight bath in a marinade. The spicy rub and rich sauce make them worth the wait!"


4 pounds baby back ribs

4 cloves garlic, sliced

1 tablespoon white sugar (I chose to omit this)

1 tablespoon paprika

2 teaspoons salt

2 teaspoons ground black pepper

2 teaspoons chili powder

2 teaspoons ground cumin

1/2 cup dark brown sugar 1/2 cup cider vinegar

1/2 cup ketchup

1/4 cup chili sauce

1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce

1 tablespoon lemon juice

2 tablespoons onion, chopped

1/2 teaspoon dry mustard

1 clove crushed garlic


1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C). Place ribs on a rack in a shallow roasting pan. Scatter 4 cloves of sliced garlic over ribs. Cover, and bake for 2 1/2 hours. Cool slightly.

2. In a small bowl, mix together white sugar, paprika, salt, black pepper, chili powder, and ground cumin. Rub spices over cooled ribs. Cover, and refrigerate overnight.

3. In a small saucepan, mix together brown sugar, cider vinegar, ketchup, chili sauce, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, onion, dry mustard, and 1 clove garlic. Simmer over medium-low heat, uncovered, for 1 hour. Reserve a small amount for basting; the remainder is a dipping sauce.

4. Preheat grill for medium heat.

5. Place ribs on grill. Grill, covered, for about 12 minutes, basting with the reserved sauce, until nicely browned and glazed. Serve with remaining sauce for dipping.

Enjoy it!!!!

Renee Michele

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Exorcize! (Does Running Away From the Gym Count?)

I am definately eating better.  I did not realize how much this blog would assit me in my food choices, but it has.  I was having a pity day yesterday (as a Piscean will often do) and decided I was going to eat what I wanted to.  Oh well.  I did get fried chicken wingettes, ate 4 and brought the rest home to my son.  Quite honestly, the vegan route is difficult and I am going to make the attempts to make the right choices.  I have to do more investigating for what works for my body, and I emplore you to DO THE SAME.

Since I do have PCOS, I realize I have to get my body back in order.  Randine Lewis, who is the author of the book I told you I am reading, has a site you should look into www.thefertilesoul.com/.   Even if you don't have PCOS, she teaches on TCM (traditional chinese medicine) and ways of restoring balance back to your body.  Why should weight demise be any different?  Maybe applying the principles of what she teaches to what we are exorcizing will be what I need.

Speaking of exercise, you do know getting there - to the gym - is the battle I face.  I haven't been to the gym since the week before last and well my body feels the difference.  I have found 2 things I love the most at the gym: the eliptical and the treadmill.  I stayed away from the treadmill for a long time due to accidents I'd heard multiple friends had gotten into.  Well I am done with that.  No matter what time I get home tonight, I will find my way to the gym.  I have been exercising...sort of.  Lord knows, I have been running.  Away from the gym.  I know, I know...I'se going back!
Chicken Parmesan

8oz spagetti (cooked)

1 pkg Chicken-free Nuggets. (we used Health is Weath brand)

4-5 slices Mozzarella Alternative (We used Soymage)

Vegan Parmesian (Again, Soymage)

1 jar spagetti sauce

Unwrap and slice mozzarella into strips.

Bake nuggets according to directions on package. While they are cooking, cook spagetti according to directions.

When nuggets are done, cover with spagetti sauce. Liberally cover with parmesian. Arrange mozzarella strips in a cris-cross pattern on top of nuggets and sauce. Replace pan into oven and cook 3-5 mins or untill sauce is hot and cheeze gets a little melty.

Serve over spagetti.

Hint: This would work well with patties, but the nuggets let you control portions better.

Monday, October 26, 2009

"V" is for Vegan...Is It Good Enough for Me?

I did some serious investigating today. I began to mentally catalog the reasons behind my choice to lose weight. I have always been somewhat satisfied with myself, save for being 437 pounds. Quite honestly, there is no way to put a positive spin on hundreds of pounds of exccess weight. Once I had gastric bypass and had settled back in the 200s, I was mobile again, but my hormones were and are out of whack. My menstrual cycle only visited about twice a year. A lot of women were foolishly jealous and said so. Now with funeralization of 200 unhealthy pounds, my period returned every month, but only twice a month. These women thought me fortunate because they didn’t understand that NOT having a period was not a good thing. Now I am at 276 pounds. I have decided to do things differently.
After research, I realize the things I love the most (in the way of food) have to be done away with. No more 24oz. 7 eleven coffee. The pure thought of going vegan is spinning me crazy, but I have to do what I must to get my body in good health.
I purchased a book today called “The Infertility Cure: The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies.” I know, I know…it may sound like that is my primary goal, but truly, it isn’t. Having PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) gives one a lot of limitations. It injects the system with great amounts of testosterone. It litters the face with hair; it literally pushes the eggs to grow outside of the ovaries instead of expressing it out of the system when not fertilized. As I leafed through the initial pages I realize one thing. I have to make a life change.
Will I have more children? I don’t know. Will I have the option? Absolutely.

Vegan JambalayaSo how does a meat eater follow a vegan diet? I found a cool website called http://www.veganmeat.com/. If you’re trying to make a life change and you’re a heavy meat eater, try this site, it may jolt youon the road to wellness…

· 1 package Zatarain's Jambalaya Mix
· 1 package Green Giant brand fake hamburger
· 1/2 - 2/3 of a medium onion, chopped
· Badia Louisiana Hot spice.
· 2-3 cloves garlic, grated.
· Olive oil
Prepare the Jambalaya mix as per directions. Add some Louisiana Hot Sauce to the water when it comes to a boil.
Put oil in frying pan and heat, add garlic and sauté 'till fragrant. Add onions and spice. Sauté' until done. Add fake hamburger and cover with hot spice. Stir 'till the fake hamburger is hot.
When Jambalaya is done add to the hamburger/onion mix. Mix and eat. This recipe is simple and relatively quick.
Enjoy this guys! Happy Eating!!!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Video or Bust!

This was my 1st attempt at a video blog...you know the damned thing would not load, right? Well one monkey don't stop no show. I designated Saturday as my I don't give a damn day, and even with all of that your girl still didn't do so bad (I guess practice makes perfect, huh?) I ate 3 meals....I barely touched those damned cookies! I traded them in for 3 real-life oatmeal raisans from a devune bakery called Eat My Cake. (You know my silly ass was just about to throw a link up in this mutha, but I thought better of it...my setbacks don't have to be your setbacks!)

Well, I had (in all) 9 spoonfuls of wheat spaghetti and ground beef with tomato sauce and spinach. My drink of choice H2O!!! Yay Me!!!!!! I did have a cup of coffee (and yes it was no sugar, but full of the treacherous french vanilla creamer, yum!...I mean, I know it was a bad choice; I'm gonna have to get into a creamers anonymous program!)

So tomorrow is another day. I'm gonna keep trying the video until I get it. I think after the holidays I will try the lemonade diet. I already have the stuff, so I might as well, right? I will keep you posted!

Renee Michele



4 boneless skinless chicken breasts (3 oz is a serving!!!)

1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs

2 teaspoons mixed italian herbs to taste

4 slices provolone cheese

10 tablespoons low sodium Spaghetti sauce

4 cups spaghetti noodles


Preheat oven to 425 F

pound chicken breast with flat side of meat mallet until flattened out and even thickness

(I didnt do this, i just bought skinnier peices of chicken...

which was better because its more like a serving size)

Mix bread crumbs and italian herbs, put on flat dish and press both sides of chicken into crumbs

Place chicken in baking dish, top with provolone cheese

Bake 20 minutes (or until cheese is golden and crispy around edges.

meanwhile put some water on for the pasta, it should be boiling by now and you can start to cook that according to directions on box

heat your spaghetti sauce in a small sauce pan

The best way to keep this recipe healthy is to use low sodium spaghetti sauce, and dont go overboard...its chicken parmesan, a couple tablespoons will do ; ) Also using something like wheat noodles will make it healthier as well. I didnt have the nutrition facts for low sodium sauce and wheat noodles, so really if you do those things the nutrition facts will be even better.

Number of Servings: 4

Friday, October 23, 2009

Coming Back to Myself...

The tsunami of emotions that flooded me just days ago is passing. Now that I have truly gotten to the root of the problem, I have taken the necessary steps to rip it out at the root. The first step was to chill out and take an Aleve or two. I was on an emotional spin that magnified everything by the square root of a thousand. The only thing that seemed to be working in my favor was that I had lost my appetite. I had to force myself to eat in the day and I could barely keep my head clear enough to eat at night. Yesterdays menu was left over wheat spaghetti with spinach and ground beef. After 3 spoonfuls I was done. Most of the time was spent in the bathroom shower listening to a sad playlist of what I call “soul purgers.”
I turned my Zune up to 20 and plugged it into my amplifier and cried like a newborn. I cried, sang, and wiped my own runny nose for the duration of 3 hours. I needed to cleanse myself of the demons that helped me believe that food was a comfort.
In truth all I wanted was to lie in the arms of the man I love and cry there. That lasted all of a few minutes before I wanted to choke him for being so connected to me and then choosing to remain disconnected.
 I spoke to him last night and upon hearing my voice he automatically assumes I was sleep. (In all actuality I'd been crying for 3 hours!) "I will talk to you tomorrow," he said before hanging up. I tucked my anger in because I know at that point, I was down right, truly homicidal. The menstral is a mutha!
I couldn’t find my morning weight loss pill for like 2 days, so my regimen was slightly off.

I am drinking more water and trying to keep visualizing the poster the Dept. of Health put out regarding soda and it being fattening. Every time I go to pick up a bottle or can of soda, I see that damned ad. Oh well.

Tonight, I think I will have the salad left over from lunch. I am not much in the cooking mood. I know my son will not want left over spaghetti again, but oh well, I can add garlic bread!  I am going to make this over the weekend.  Enjoy the grub!  I promise the videos will be coming soon!



2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 medium to large onion, diced

1/2 c bbq sauce

1/2 c sweet and sour sauce

salt and pepper to taste


Place chicken in the bottom of your slow cooker.

Mix remaining ingredients together, pour over chicken. Cook on low 6-8 hours until chicken is thoroughly cooked.
Serve with brown rice and a spinach salad - delicious!

Number of Servings: 8

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Upside of Emotional Dining

It's time.  If weight loss is to be an actuality then it's time to count up these things, this pain.  I have to address my reasons for my poor eating habits.  Lonely translates to hungry in "FAT-glish."  Fat-glish is this disgusting language where there is a food for EVERY emotion.  You learn to speak fat-glish at the beginning of your decline.  Please know there is a food for every emotion.  On many levels, food becomes spiritual.

I realize that the portion of my weight that is emotional is due to abandonment issues. I have parents who don't love me the way I want them to love me, but they love me with everything they have.  It would be nice if this were actually factual.  I have sat on the side lines as my mother's youngest child and my father's oldest and watched them both extend themselves for others.  I've watched them extend themselves for "adopted" children, natural siblings and godchildren.  There never seemed to be enough of them for me.  In my attempt to make them happy, I never complained much...I waited in a waiting room to be treated by with their love.

Their love, in the way I needed it.  In the way they were capable (as I saw them doing what I needed for other people).  While I waited, I got to experience the endorphins that are released in the brain when you eat food to "bandade your pain."  I have always been thick, but the moment I decided to become a mother (another attempt to find the "love" that eluded me)my weight ballooned.    It wasn't successful.  The connection between my son and I is undeniable, but the moment my mother laid eyes on him, she became his.  She gave Elijah a double portion of everything (including what she hadn't given me).Meanwhile, food and PCOS were wreaking  havoc on my body.

Regardless of how I silently abhorred my parents treatment of me (my father was notorius for 5-minute phone parenting), I fell into the same pattern. I gave up the reigns of parenting to my mother (more like she took them). I fell for men who were either my mother or my father.  They were verbally abusive or workaholics.  The one thing that was always present, the one thing that never let me down...was food.  The problem?  It blew me up.

It begins here.  I am working on myself right now.  I am facing me - sans their love and support.  Your parents will leave, your siblings will go, your children also....but you are always with yourself.  I am now telling myself how loved I am by myself.  Time to take myself out.  Spend time alone.  See the things I love about ME.  I have someone in my life...like daddy he is a workaholic, but I have got to be enough, even in his absence.

Yesterday was good.  I didn't eat a lot.  I had six diet cookies, a tablespoon of brown rice and 2 baked chicken wingettes and 2 fork fulls of wheat sphaghetti with ground beef and spinach.  I had a minature bag of Skittles (like I needed that!)  The upside?  It's the Halloween season so minatures are available.  I had a small amount.  Lets not forget the water.

I have also been getting my rest.  I slept last night, and I am going back to bed for like an hour.  I am still sleepy. 

(Low Glycemic Recipe promotes wellness; It is not only for diabetics)

Lemony Salmon

This low GI salmon recipe is so quick to make, you will believe how great it tastes.


1 salmon fillet (approximately 4 oz)

1 tsp fat-free mayonnaise

1 tsp lemon juice

1/2 tsp dill weed

salt/pepper to taste


Using a pastry brush, spread mayonnaise over salmon fillet. Sprinkle with lemon juice, dill, salt and pepper.
Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until salmon easily flakes.

The road to success begins with the first step...if you haven't already done so, scribe the reasons behind the weight gain.  It's better to snatch a weed out by the root.

Love & Light,

Renee Michele

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Depression Diet...

Today was difficult.  Have you ever woken up, on the edge of morning and dression was sitting in your arm chair?  When I got up this morning, the air was heavy.  I was very weepy.  I was on the edge of a cry that would not come.  Today I decided I would look deeper than food.  Food is the drug.  The obvious would be to ask myself why am I using food as a form of escapism?  Well today I got up and I didn't want to face it.  I was more emotional than I'd been in a long time.  I thought it would pass.  In all honesty, I made a conscious decision to be sad.  Amazing, huh?  Ms. Do-Gooder, Ms. Spoon-Full-of-Sugar, Ms. Forget-the-Sun-Tomorrow-Bask-in-the-Rays-Today is kissing depression.  This depression is different.  He is not the type to take you out to eat, order everything on the menu and expect you to pay.  That's ED (Eating Depression).  This is his cousin.  This depression that has come to meet me today is SD (Sulking Depression).  Sometime intuition will tell you how to feel before something comes to give just cause.  I don't know how, but I made it out of the house.  I made it to the train and to my job.  It wasn't so bad intially, but goodness knows by the time I took refuge in my seat behind my desk, my face expressed my emotions and I just could not cover.  My father and I had an uncomfortable conversation.  I told him if he did not want me for a daughter to tell me and I will stop calling.  Of course he patronized me, went in to his "daddy's baby" voice, but I am fed up.  My parents for some reason feel that because I am independent I do not need them; and yes, I feel like a 35 year old orphan.  It does not matter what I fill my life with, lonely is always right there, making room for itself.  I did not forget the cookies today, and I snacked on them all day.  I did bring some of the soup I made in the crock pot (Split Pea) but I only consumed 1/2 of the small container.  I mindlessly shoved in the cookies whenever what I thought to be hunger emerged, but truth was I was so down I wasn't even hungry.  I went out to Sephora's (http://www.sephora.com/) at lunch to cheer myself up, but it did not work (I'd need at least 4 hours and $1,000 in there to go home happy.)  I retreated back to the office with a too expensive bottle of Bare Minerals Make-Up. (Mad as I was, I still was looking good.)  Save for the six cookies and 1/2 a small container (and I do mean small) of soup, water and of course my coffee, I did not eat.  Truth is, I won't eat when I get home.  I just want to sleep.  Since depression and loneliness have invited themselves in, hopefully they will bring the gift that's been eluding me for months - sleep. 


Thick and Hearty Split Pea Soup

2 medium onions, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

3 carrots, diced

3 ribs celery, chopped

2 cups dried split peas, checked carefully for debris and rinsed

6-8 cups water

2 medium potatoes, coarsely chopped

1 large bay leaf

1/2 teaspoon celery seed

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 teaspoon dried thyme

1-2 teaspoons liquid smoke

2 teaspoons salt (or to taste)

freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Lightly spray the bottom of a pressure cooker or Dutch oven with canola oil. Sauté the onions for about 5 minutes, scraping the bottom of the pan often, until they begin to caramelize. Add the garlic, carrots, and celery and cook for 2 more minutes.

Add the peas to the pot. If you're using a pressure cooker, add 6 cups of water; for regular cooking, add 8 cups water. Stir in the potatoes, bay leaf, celery seed, basil, and thyme.

For pressure cooking: Seal the cooker and bring to high pressure. Lower heat and cook at high pressure for 6 minutes. Remove from heat and allow the pressure to come down naturally. If beans are not completely cooked, cover loosely and cook (without pressure) until they reach the desired tenderness.

For regular cooking: Bring to a boil, cover, and cook over very low heat for 1 1/2 to 2 hours until peas are soft and disintegrate when stirred.

For both methods: When the beans are done, add the liquid smoke, salt, and pepper. Check the seasoning and add more herbs if necessary. Cook several minutes uncovered to thicken (or add water to thin). Serve with warm whole-grain bread.

Makes about 8 servings, and tastes even better the next day...
Love & Light,
Renee Michele

Monday, October 19, 2009

Just Another Manic Monday...

Well it is 2:46pm.  Please note this is the first time I have put something solid in my mouth.  What I did was follow my normal regimine of morning coffee.  You know the devil's in the details, right?  I have a 24oz. cup of coffee every morning , Monday-Friday.  I add NO sugar (yay!) but I always use an inch of the french vanilla creamer.  (God know what's in there!  I remember when I use to pour creamer in a cup and add hot water!) 

Here's the OTHER dilemma:  Not quite sure of what to eat, I ended up at a salad bar where I put about 4 thin strips of Italian grilled chicken into my container.  I really did not want to overload on the carbs, so I put in salad with grilled bell peppers.   Pretty good for a chick who left her cookies home!    (I swear to you, it was accidental!)  I thought to myself, "That's what up girl!  Handle your damn buisness!"  Then I remember that my supervisor asked me to grab her some lunch and I walked down to another salad bar.  Now this salad bar is rather small but lawd have murcy, their chicken is not to be played with!

From time to time they make changes to the menu and will include specialty dishes.  I really did not intend to look, but at THAT salad bar I saw baked chicken and brown rice. (yum!)  You do know I got a small container of that, don't you?  Well here is the upside of being a gastric bypass recepient.  Even 5 years after the surgery, my stomach has stretched but so much.  My eyes are most definately bigger than my stomach. 

Here goes that evil Darth Vader hunger swelling up inside me "Renee...I am your brown rice and chicken!"  I want to run in the other direction, but my hunger has been taken over by the darkside.  I pull out my inner lawyer to dispute my choice of buying more food.
"At least it's brown rice!" I say matter-of-factly.  "Besides, you only got a small portion!"

Damn, talk about drinking the kool-aid!  I fall for the crap, hook-line and sinker.  I throw down the extra $6.35 and walked out of the deli.  It was a good thing I am a generous heifer.  I gave away most of it, including a little bit of everything in the smaller container.  So it turned out better than I expected!  Well...I'm on the way home now to enjoy that black bean soup!

Here is your daily recipe!

Chicken Rojo

The great thing about this dish is that you can assemble your ingredients while the chicken simmers, so it cuts down on prep time. It only takes 30 minutes cooking time from start to finish.

Prep Time: :5

Cook Time: :30


3-5 chicken breasts or thighs

6 tomatoes, large

1/2 an onion, cut into quarters

3 tablespoons of oil

2 cups chicken broth mixed with 2 cups of water

1 teaspoon oregano

1/2 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon garlic, peeled and crushed

1/2 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder

1 tablespoon red chile powder or chile paste

salt to taste


Preheat broiler on high.

Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a large pan over high heat. Brown the chicken pieces on each side. Cover chicken with chicken broth and bring to a boil. While it's coming to a boil, slice the top off of each tomato and place cut side down on a cookie sheet along with the onions. Drizzle 2 tablespoons of oil over them. Place in broiler and remove when tomato skins become very wrinkled and shriveled.

While the tomatoes are broiling, bring the chicken broth to a strong simmer and add in the chile, cumin, oregano, garlic and cocoa.

When the tomatoes are ready, remove from broiler and let cool for 1 minute.

While the tomatoes cool, turn the chicken

Peel the skin off of each tomato and use a spoon to remove the seeds from the middle. Using your fingers, mash the tomato a little and add into the sauce. Separate the onions and stir into the sauce. Let the sauce reduce while chicken finishes cooking.

If the liquid cooks off to fast, add water about a half cup each time, until the chicken reaches 170 degrees or is no longer pink inside.


Love & Light,

Renee Michele

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Surrendering to Sunday...

Enough excuses and you will swell on them.  My belly is full of them.  Being sore from the gym I waited in the bed until 11:38am.  I pushed myself up because Buddy, my minature maltese wanted food and water.  I had reasoned with myself that I would begin again today, but the sheer laziness, soreness in my unconditioned body and a straight up desire not to do this freaking diet today. UUUUGHHHHH!!!!!!

Ever been there?  At the point where you will do some crap that doesn't make any kind of sense?  You have starved yourself ALL DAY and then go out like a ravenous dog in search of food???
I had 2 fried chicken wings today....chinese restaurant chicken wings...with hot sauce and ketchup...(singing in my head): Lawd I want to lose this weight up off my thighs (off my thighs), Lawd I want to lose this weight up off my gutt (off my gutt)...

I am so fed up with being beautiful...from the neck up...
Relax, I don't feel that way everyday, but I will tell you, there are days when the mirror and I are no longer on speaking terms.  I have been wanting to share with you guys videos, which I will do soon, making the blog more interesting.  I plan to beat this habit.  A friend of mine taught me something.  She told me that she'd been on drugs.  What I found interesting is that she was determined not to be called a "recovering addict."  I asked her why.  She responded "'cause once it's over I ain't no addict.  I don't want to give drug addiction any stake in my life.  Why would I allow the drugs to have real estate in me?  They've been evicted."   Well I am really done.  I am so sick of this.  I am gonna finish these cookies because I spent like $50 on this box, but I am just gonna make healthier choices.  I am 35 years old and I would like the ability to have more children and not live in fear of losing the fetus due to the excess weight.  To date I have lost 3 pregnancies due to weight (and Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome).  I have to go out and get dinner for my son.  Why lie to you?  I am going to get something for myself also.  I just will make a better choice. 

I went to my weight loss doctor http://www.weightlossspecialists.com/ on Friday to pick up my weight loss meds to assist in the weight loss.  I see Dr. Stacy Title, who is as full of life as I am and I love her like cooked food!  (No pun intended...seriously!)  I am down 6 lbs.! (Brothers and Sisters...we are here today to funeralize 6 unhealthy pounds!  Asses to ashes...guts to dust!  AMEN!!!)  It cost about $93 every visit (because I go every 2 weeks), but the results are real.  I think I got to step my work out game up though. 

A good friend gave a tip last night that I am going to share with you.  She called it the "20 minute rule."  Most of us are used to drinking when we eat.  Her suggestion is to wait 20 minutes as water or a beverage will liquefy your food allowing you to eat MORE.  So here I go...(Thanks Amor!!! You are the truth my friend...the truth!)

It is getting cold outside in NYC VERY quickly, so there is a return to soups for me.  I will post below a recipe I am going to try tomorrow...I'd LOVE to know if you guys have tried it and if in fact worked for you.

Today's Recipe:
Black Bean Vegetarian Soup Recipe

I found an awesome black bean vegetarian soup recipe and wanted to share it with you. The nutrients on this recipe are pretty decent.
Protein - 12 grams, Fiber - 10 grams, Calories - 286

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 medium red onion finely chopped

< 1-2 jalapeños, depending on how spicy you prefer

3 cloves of garlic, minced

1 tablespoon ground cumin

2 cups dried black beans

2 cups vegetable stock

¼ cup finely chopped cilantro

< ½ teaspoon kosher salt

Clean and rinse the beans. Cover the beans with water and soak refrigerated overnight. When ready to prepare the soup, put the beans in a stockpot and cover with cold water and cook until tender. Do not salt the beans until they are almost finished cooking. After the beans are fully cooked add the beans and the bean broth to the sautéed mixture. Add vegetable stock if you want a thinner soup.

While the beans are cooking, heat the oil in a heavy, large stockpot over medium-high heat. Add onions, jalapenos, garlic, salt and cumin. Sauté the onions until tender. Remove from the burner. When the beans are cooked, add the beans and bean stock to the sauté mix. Stir well to mix the flavors. Reduce the heat to medium-low, cover and simmer until the flavors blend, approximately 15 minutes. Mix in the cilantro. Season with salt and pepper. This can be served with a spoonful of plain yogurt or sour cream and tortilla chips. Brown rice also makes a good addition to the soup.

Makes 4 eight-ounce servings.

Approximate values per serving: 286 calories, 10 g fat, 1 mg cholesterol, 12 g protein, 40 g carbohydrates, 10 g fiber, 1057 mg sodium, 32 percent calories from fat.

Happy Eating!!!!!  Love & Light,

Renee Michele