Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Upside of Emotional Dining

It's time.  If weight loss is to be an actuality then it's time to count up these things, this pain.  I have to address my reasons for my poor eating habits.  Lonely translates to hungry in "FAT-glish."  Fat-glish is this disgusting language where there is a food for EVERY emotion.  You learn to speak fat-glish at the beginning of your decline.  Please know there is a food for every emotion.  On many levels, food becomes spiritual.

I realize that the portion of my weight that is emotional is due to abandonment issues. I have parents who don't love me the way I want them to love me, but they love me with everything they have.  It would be nice if this were actually factual.  I have sat on the side lines as my mother's youngest child and my father's oldest and watched them both extend themselves for others.  I've watched them extend themselves for "adopted" children, natural siblings and godchildren.  There never seemed to be enough of them for me.  In my attempt to make them happy, I never complained much...I waited in a waiting room to be treated by with their love.

Their love, in the way I needed it.  In the way they were capable (as I saw them doing what I needed for other people).  While I waited, I got to experience the endorphins that are released in the brain when you eat food to "bandade your pain."  I have always been thick, but the moment I decided to become a mother (another attempt to find the "love" that eluded me)my weight ballooned.    It wasn't successful.  The connection between my son and I is undeniable, but the moment my mother laid eyes on him, she became his.  She gave Elijah a double portion of everything (including what she hadn't given me).Meanwhile, food and PCOS were wreaking  havoc on my body.

Regardless of how I silently abhorred my parents treatment of me (my father was notorius for 5-minute phone parenting), I fell into the same pattern. I gave up the reigns of parenting to my mother (more like she took them). I fell for men who were either my mother or my father.  They were verbally abusive or workaholics.  The one thing that was always present, the one thing that never let me down...was food.  The problem?  It blew me up.

It begins here.  I am working on myself right now.  I am facing me - sans their love and support.  Your parents will leave, your siblings will go, your children also....but you are always with yourself.  I am now telling myself how loved I am by myself.  Time to take myself out.  Spend time alone.  See the things I love about ME.  I have someone in my daddy he is a workaholic, but I have got to be enough, even in his absence.

Yesterday was good.  I didn't eat a lot.  I had six diet cookies, a tablespoon of brown rice and 2 baked chicken wingettes and 2 fork fulls of wheat sphaghetti with ground beef and spinach.  I had a minature bag of Skittles (like I needed that!)  The upside?  It's the Halloween season so minatures are available.  I had a small amount.  Lets not forget the water.

I have also been getting my rest.  I slept last night, and I am going back to bed for like an hour.  I am still sleepy. 

(Low Glycemic Recipe promotes wellness; It is not only for diabetics)

Lemony Salmon

This low GI salmon recipe is so quick to make, you will believe how great it tastes.


1 salmon fillet (approximately 4 oz)

1 tsp fat-free mayonnaise

1 tsp lemon juice

1/2 tsp dill weed

salt/pepper to taste


Using a pastry brush, spread mayonnaise over salmon fillet. Sprinkle with lemon juice, dill, salt and pepper.
Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until salmon easily flakes.

The road to success begins with the first step...if you haven't already done so, scribe the reasons behind the weight gain.  It's better to snatch a weed out by the root.

Love & Light,

Renee Michele


  1. Your blog is very interesting. Thanks for sharing and for your insight. Please don't think that extra weight is evil. No.No. My question is, Have you had your thyroid tested?? A low thyroid contributes to weight gain, fast. Good luck (and I think you have many friends who love you!!)

  2. Thanks for your comments. Actually I have. A large percentage of the weight is due to PCOS. My aim in this blog is to maintain the "real" emotions and feelings that ensues with weight loss. For me weight has been evil. While I don't mind being thick (as I feel this is truly sexy) the restraints it has put on my fertility and health have been dibilitating. Thanks so much for your questions, I am more than sure someone else may have had the same.