I realize that the portion of my weight that is emotional is due to abandonment issues. I have parents who don't love me the way I want them to love me, but they love me with everything they have. It would be nice if this were actually factual. I have sat on the side lines as my mother's youngest child and my father's oldest and watched them both extend themselves for others. I've watched them extend themselves for "adopted" children, natural siblings and godchildren. There never seemed to be enough of them for me. In my attempt to make them happy, I never complained much...I waited in a waiting room to be treated by with their love.
Their love, in the way I needed it. In the way they were capable (as I saw them doing what I needed for other people). While I waited, I got to experience the endorphins that are released in the brain when you eat food to "bandade your pain." I have always been thick, but the moment I decided to become a mother (another attempt to find the "love" that eluded me)my weight ballooned. It wasn't successful. The connection between my son and I is undeniable, but the moment my mother laid eyes on him, she became his. She gave Elijah a double portion of everything (including what she hadn't given me).Meanwhile, food and PCOS were wreaking havoc on my body.
Regardless of how I silently abhorred my parents treatment of me (my father was notorius for 5-minute phone parenting), I fell into the same pattern. I gave up the reigns of parenting to my mother (more like she took them). I fell for men who were either my mother or my father. They were verbally abusive or workaholics. The one thing that was always present, the one thing that never let me down...was food. The problem? It blew me up.
It begins here. I am working on myself right now. I am facing me - sans their love and support. Your parents will leave, your siblings will go, your children also....but you are always with yourself. I am now telling myself how loved I am by myself. Time to take myself out. Spend time alone. See the things I love about ME. I have someone in my life...like daddy he is a workaholic, but I have got to be enough, even in his absence.
I have also been getting my rest. I slept last night, and I am going back to bed for like an hour. I am still sleepy.
(Low Glycemic Recipe promotes wellness; It is not only for diabetics)
This low GI salmon recipe is so quick to make, you will believe how great it tastes.
1 salmon fillet (approximately 4 oz)
1 tsp fat-free mayonnaise
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp dill weed
salt/pepper to taste
Using a pastry brush, spread mayonnaise over salmon fillet. Sprinkle with lemon juice, dill, salt and pepper.
Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until salmon easily flakes.
The road to success begins with the first step...if you haven't already done so, scribe the reasons behind the weight gain. It's better to snatch a weed out by the root.
Love & Light,